1. Captain Lazy

Dumbbells scattered across the floor and a fully stacked barbell of weights on the squat rack – Captain Lazy has struck again. The victim? The PT team or gym members who have to clean up afterwards.

Why are they a problem?
Apart from being a health and safety nightmare for everyone, it wastes workout time looking for equipment that’s not in the right place. It also angers the person who has to unload the bar and put the weights away.

2. The Grunting Growler

Beast mode activate. Whilst there is some science behind an expulsion of air and noise during a maximum effort lift, the Grunting Growlers go too far by repeatedly mimicking the thundering sounds of an angry T-Rex.

Why are they a problem?
There’s a worry the noises are actually dinosaur mating calls and the worlds not quite ready for human-dino relations. Loud roaring is annoying for everyone; It’s a gym not Jurassic Park.

3. The iPhoney

Spending more time on WhatsApp than working out, the iPhoney wastes time choosing the perfect emoji with their head buried deep in the virtual wilderness. Some go as far as posing for Insta-selfies in the mirror and putting them online, because, well how else would everyone find out they’d been to the gym?!

Why are they a problem?
The average gym user wastes over a third of their workout on phone related actions that aren’t gym related (emails, texts etc.) A gym filled with unfocused, unproductive, and underworking members will mean accidents are more likely, and that all members will take longer to get the results they want (if at all.)

4. The Greedy Gatherer

There are two types of Greedy Gatherer, both with a brattish ‘give me one with everything’ attitude. The first variety hoard a large amount of weights whilst swearing they need them all at once – despite running through many different exercises. The other calls ‘dibs’ on two or more machines and supersets between them acting like each has their name on them.

Why are they a problem?
Apart from being downright bad manners not not to share, hogging equipment holds up PT sessions and frustrates members.

5. The Flesh Flaunter

Let’s get one thing straight – ‘going commando’ in a gym should only refer to the amount of effort one puts into a session and not the lack of underwear worn. Extra room to breath in clothing is acceptable, but the Flesh Flaunter takes to the floor exposing far too much and may even ditch their tops or bottoms altogether.

Why are they a problem?
Inappropriate clothing can lead to both serious physical injury, germ contamination, and mental scarring for the offender and everyone else. Strap on some decent undies.

6. The Dramatic Dropper

Commercial gyms rarely have the facilities for Olympic style weightlifting, yet the Dramatic Droppers treat their deadlifts and presses as if they were a gold medal competition. Drop it like it’s hot? How about no.

Why are they a problem?
Unnecessarily bouncing heavy weights turns barbells and dumbbells into weapons which can shatter floors, mirrors, and feet. It’s also noisy and careless.

7. The Space Invader

Whether it’s a busy gym or not, the Space Invader doesn’t quite grasp personal boundaries. They seemingly pop up as if from nowhere, standing over your ‘downward facing dog’ stretch and cosying up on the mats with an unwelcomed crotch in your face as your doing press ups.

Why are they a problem?
Distracting, confusing, uncomfortable, unsanitary, vulgar. The list is endless.

8. The Harasshole

The gym environment should be sociable and friendly, with all interactions kept respectable and aboveboard. Unfortunately the flock of naked skin and tight fitting attire on show is prime hunting for the Harasshole. they aren’t able to grasp the concept that bars are made for socialising and gyms are made for exercising. From gawking to creepy flirting, their Tinder tendencies get the better of them; a real world ‘swipe right.’

Why are they a problem?
Despite being mostly a problem for women, harassment does happen to guys too. Harassment is downright rude and obnoxious and can make people feel small, embarrassed, and sometimes humiliated. Even a throwaway comment or two can have serious emotional repercussions for the victim.

9. The Egotistic ‘Expert’

This brand of gym junkie assumes that they know why every PT and member are doing whatever it is they are doing, and may even interrupt an exercise to offer their unsolicited opinion. The worst offenders of ‘Broscience.’

Why are they a problem?
Making assumptions is condescending, interrupting is pestilent, and giving inaccurate advice can cause many detrimental knock-on effects.

10. The Smiley Miley

You’re halfway through a set of squats and in swings the ‘wrecking ball’ – tunes blasting from headphones, belting out lyrics like its a karaoke bar.

Why are they a problem?
Loud singing (and in some cases dancing) is very distracting for all other members. A needless performance will only create Simon Cowell-style gynemies from everyone around you.

11. The Selfish Squat-Racker

Leg day in the squat rack? No problem. A busy gym and the hallowed ground is being used for bicep curls? Problem. You’ll find the Selfish Squat-Racker fueling their ego by taking up the entire rack and big barbell to perform sets of curls or shrugs.

Why are they a problem?
Stopping people from using the rack and barbells (essential for the fundamental weightlifting exercises) is selfish and rude, especially when there are 101 better alternatives.

12. The Wee-Man Warrior

With chest pushed out and a swagger so extreme it should need a licence, the Wee-Man Warrior bounds around the gym floor with an ego for company, usually trying to bump in to people or provoke arguments.

Why are they a problem?
There’s no need for jacked up short man syndrome sufferers to turn a weights room in to a war zone. An intimidating atmosphere results in people not enjoying the gym and not coming back, whilst fighting and arguing leads to physical injury and gym expulsion.

13. The Body Double


Literally “monkey see, monkey do” as a newbie tries to copy an exercise an experienced member is doing. Usually spotted in the weights area attempting to lift weights Superman would struggle with, or on a treadmill trying to keep up to speed with the pro a few machines along.

Why are they a problem?
If its a heavy deadlift or squat then the whole gym is in danger of being hit by rogue flying gym equipment. The exercise copied might (a) not be safe, (b) being performed with poor form (c) not be effective. Don’t end up as a #gymfail on youtube.

14. Smellin’ Helen and Sweaty Simon


Germophobes, beware – These are the people that stain their image as quickly as the gym equipment. Their lack of deodorant and gym towel shows they have no appreciation for others’ noses or health. Selfish smellies.

Why are they a problem?
A lack of decent hygiene spreads germs making other members fall ill, whilst a bad body odour will put off everyone in the surrounding area. There’s no excuse for no poor hygiene.