8 Reasons Why England Will Never Be Football World Champions Again

Belief
Before winning the World Cup In 1966 England genuinely believed they were the greatest country in international football. The same feelings existed four years later; well that was until they played a classy Brazil side who outplayed them, and the English team has never been the same since. An inherent belief that you are, or can beat, the best is required to win any major tournament and England just don’t have that any more. Unfortunately for Rooney et al. there are another seven problems preventing England ever being champions of the world again:

Risk Taking
‘Tactics’; it’s the basis of the English coaching set-up from under 10’s right up to the national team. Traditional management styles remove the spontaneity aspects of promising athletes, and instead breed them on game-plans, formations, and strategy. It may suit club teams that need to accumulate as many points as they can over the course of an entire season, but this framework does not win world cups. History proves that successful winning teams at the elite level have brilliantly clever individuals, flair players who have faith in their instincts as well as their teammates’ abilities.

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“It’s okay to lose lads, It’s the taking part that counts”

Pride
England’s footballers don’t love England. It may sound harsh but it’s true, and it was never more apparent than at the 2014 World Cup during the national anthems. The Italians stood with fists on hearts, The Ghanaians huddled and cuddled, the French blasted out the Marseillaise, and the Brazilians became quivering wrecks. The England efforts amounted to not much more than motionless half-hearted miming, and that was the few that didn’t stand close-mouthed, like bewildered rabbits caught in headlights. Ethnicity is not the issue: the African-French and the Polish-raised Germans seemingly have no issue uniting under a common identity; the English just don’t appear have one. Any team who goes to the World Cup lacking an collective to fight for soon has the fight dumped out of them, and won’t hang around for long.

Brazilian Bawlers
Neymar and the Brazilian Foot-Bawlers

Freedom
Top earning English players are restricted from fan interaction during tournament football so as to not risk injuries as this leads to both players missing games and high insurance payouts to their clubs. Sponsors also don’t want to take the chance that a naive superstar might say something he shouldn’t. In 2010 at the World Cup in South Africa, Mr Capello based the English squad in as secluded a location as possible and gave the players leisure options such as ‘reading together’ and board games, inevitably this resulted in players publicly admitting total boredom. Uruguay and Italy, wise to the effects such withdrawal can cause, had their 2014 World Cup camps set up next to small fishing villages and spent considerable amounts of time socialising with the locals. England barricaded themselves off once again, the players became detached from any type of normality for several weeks, they became restless and disillusioned, and eventually were beaten by both the previously mentioned countries.

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“You want to see your family? Here’s what I say to that!”

Vanity
A real problem of young English lads is that they naively believing in their own hype. There seems to be such a distinct lack of encouragement and honest praise from adults towards youth footballers, that they lack the common sense to realise they aren’t the next Ronaldo; they are but a name on a team sheet in game only a handful come to watch. What happens to the vast majority of these guys is after they’ve developed the superstar attitude, they take notice of hangers-on and agents, get distracted, give up pushing themselves, and get dropped. Most end up at lower league clubs (or worse), and still maintain the belief that they were once capable of being the next Ronaldo.

“Dad Dad Dad…. I’m telling you yeah….I could *hic* have been the next Gascoigne *hic*”

Confidentiality
England is a nation famous for its superior Mi5 intelligence agency, James Bond, international diplomacy, and cracking the enigma code, yet no footballer in the last 30 years has been able to exercise discretion. Where once confidential information used to be well, confidential, because someone trusted you with a secret, it then changed into a bargaining tool sold to the richest bidder. England’s pop culture superstars of today now hurry to tell the world everything they know irrespective of the impact it might have. If England ever do progress to the latter stages of a World Cup again you can be sure that private conversations will be made public, player quarrels will be well documented. and team formations will be put on Twitter, all with the relevant hashtags and irrelevant Instagram effects.

Photo Leak - Roy Hodgson practises kissing the World Cup in his bathroom #dreamer
Photo Leak – Roy Hodgson practises kissing the World Cup in his bathroom #dreamer

Diet
Evidence suggests that the healthier the diet of an English kid is, the more likely they’ll take up athletics, cricket, or rugby, and stray away from football. Growing bodies nurtured on microwaveable meals, carry-outs, and sweets, don’t usually mature into successful elite athletes. Such are the advancements in nutritional understanding and science since 1966, it would be daft to assign the Cornish pastie, bovril, and beer diet of yesteryear that the Charlton brothers were brought up on. A good start would be to get the healthiest of the country’s youth into top developmental facilities (of which there are many), and at least that way the future internationalists will have the bone density and fitness to last a few weeks in an international tournament.

England's Next Great Hope
England’s Next Great Hope

Climate
Uruguay, Argentina, Brazil, France, Spain, Italy, and Germany. A common theme amongst these seven other World Cup winning nations is a decent climate. None of them have regular chilly, windy, and wet weather, and seasons that dispirits outdoor activities in the summer as well as the best of winter sports. Athletic, healthy, spirited children should be playing outdoors every day, being toughened by both sun and snow, and experiencing the feeling of being knocked down whilst learning to stop it happening again. The modern youth however have a tendency to prefer video game FIFA football over playing in the park, becoming pale and ashen indoors, or sat in their cars driving to their once-a-week training session on a unsupportive and dangerous ‘all weather’ plastic pitch.

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Wembley during the height of summer

And if by some miraculous achievement England manage to overcome these 8 fundamental problems then they’ll probably be knocked out on Penalties anyway. Being stood twelve yards from goal with just the keeper to beat is England’s kryptonite; they’ve lost six of the last seven in major tournaments.

1990 World Cup Semi Final.
Losing on penalties. In the World Cup. In the semi-finals. To the Germans. Ouch

 

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