So, we’ve all read a recipe online right? Perhaps you’ve picked redcurrants from the garden and needed to find how to make a chutney? Or maybe you just needed to find out how to make a cake without a soggy bottom. The best thing about food blogs and food recipes are the comments from people underneath them; it’s internet gold. Whilst the list below is not exact quotes, I hope you have a chuckle at my attempts to summarise the mixed bowl that is the home cooking and baking world.



“Could you please give the metric weight measurements, and sometime in the next twenty minutes; I’m making this for a dinner party and my guests are already here.”

[Recipe for Salmon En Croute] “Nobody in my family likes salmon but we thought we’d try this. Not very good. Would not make again.”

“For this chicken parmesan recipe, I substituted, beef for the chicken, mushrooms for the tomatoes, and sour cream for the parmesan and it did not taste the way I expected it to. can someone tell me what I did wrong?”

“I was out of vegetable oil, so I used motor oil instead, and I replaced the nuts with pencil shavings. Absolutely disgusting, I can’t believe people would rate this recipe so highly.”

“Does anyone know if you can make this ahead of time and freeze it?”

“Have you thought about making a sugar-free version of this?”

“I didn’t have any eggs, so I replaced them with a banana-chia-flaxseed purée. It turned out terrible; this recipe is terrible.”

“I don’t have any of these ingredients at home. Could you rewrite this based on the food I do have in my house?”

“Can you give us a calorie breakdown for this? I need to hit my macros.”

“I followed this exactly, except I substituted walnuts and tofu for a sirloin steak, ditched the cheese entirely, and replaced the starch with a turnip salad. Turned out great. My seven-year-old boys have never really had desserts and now I’ve convinced them that walnut-and-turnip salad is “cake.” Thanks for the recipe!”

“A warning: If you cook this at 135°C for three hours instead of  200°C for twenty-five minutes its completely ruined. Do you have any suggestions?”

“I didn’t have custard, so I just poured baking soda into a container of raspberry yogurt. It tasted terrible.”

“I just started Paleo yesterday, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make this without the ingredients.”

“Have you considered making a version of this margherita pizza for your readers who are trying to avoid gluten, dairy and nightshades? What if I shoved a roll of basil leaves in my mouth, do you think that would taste good?”

“It didn’t work! What did I do wrong?” [Doesn’t give any details into what “didn’t work” means]

“I love this recipe! I added garlic powder, Italian seasoning, a few flakes of nutritional yeast, half a bottle of oyster sauce, thyme, dried onion, and scone mix to mine. Great idea!”

“If you use olive oil for any recipe that’s cooked over 200°C, the oil will denature and you will get cancer. This post is irresponsible. You should only use grapeseed oil you’ve pressed yourself in a very cold room.”

[Recipe for Chocolate Cake] “I don’t like chocolate, or cake. This recipe, this blog, and by extension, you are garbage.”

“This was a very good post for your recipe you made, I made a similar recipe over at my blog last month, please consider linking back.”

“lol needs more bacon”